About Gifting and other stories.

Everyone loves getting gifts regardless of background or social status. For some, items are great while others prefer experiences. Both are valid. This article attempts to share some of the excuses ladies give when asked why they do not buy gifts for their partners whom they are or claim to be in a relationship with/ even those they are not in a relationship with. I dont have a bone to pick with the ladies and if you are the type who easily gets triggered, this might be a great place to stop reading.

Disclaimer: I dont hate the concept of gifting. I just think the construct around it has been largely unfair.

Social engineering, movies (particularly hollywood, bollywood and nollywood) and culture keeps dictating that when a man loves a woman or is interested in pursuing her within a romantic context, he has to buy her gifts.

1. He doesn't deserve it: The moment you tie gifting to “deserve”; you have implied that your love is at best a transaction and your love- a salary to be earned. Like a boss at work, you go; “he does not deserve the promotion” This only works on kids…and sometimes at best. Why apply same to your partner? More importantly, why are you dating someone who you dont think deserves a gift? Why are you the only one in the relationship who deserves a gift? Are you suddenly perfect and always on your best behavior? I doubt this, no one is. Gifts have also been identified a love language so by that; are you saying you dont love your partner? I daresay it is also toxic to think this way and an indication of several other things really wrong with that friendship/ relationship.
2. “I dont know what he wants”: This excuse is a lazy excuse veiled as a valid care and concern. It is lazy because if you truly cared about him you would know what he likes/ wanted but let us assume for some reason you truly dont know what he likes/ wants, whatever happened to asking/ communicating with your partner? You dont want it to be weird, lol. This excuses prefers to avoid the (hard)work of asking these questions and lazily tries to avoid it. Please, do better.
3. “Presents for guys are expensive”: This excuse belongs to the same class as (2) above i.e.; it is lazy. While it is true that clothing and fashion accessories for men are slightly higher in price than for women, it doesnt not imply that there is absolutely nothing within your budget that you cannot afford for him. I have never seen a mother refuse to buy gifts for her son(s) on the excuse that “presents for guys are expense”. If you searched and really wanted to give him a present, you would find something. Please, do better.
4. “I dont have a boyfriend/ husband/ partner”: This excuse confuses me because it leaves me wondering if boyfriends/ husbands/ partners are the only ones to ever receive gifts in life. I doubt if every gift a lady received on her birthday came only from her boyfriend/ husband/ partner. What happened to all the other amazing men in your life? Father? Brother? Uncle? Mentor? Pastor? None? Absolutely none?

I think more single men need to re-evaluate this theory. I think more single men need to invest in themselves, careers, (immediate) family, community, non-profits and society more than focusing on gifts in relationships where they get all this excuses and worse, treated badly and manipulated at every turn. Earning power/ resources are far and in-between and how is a king supposed to grow professionally and personally if he spends all his resources gifting?

When a man loves a woman, he gives her gifts, true but so does a women when she loves a man.

End.