“I was in my house when he asked” and other stories.

Like most topics where men and women are concerned, paying for dates has been brought to the front burner in recent times. These are some of the excuses I have heard from ladies why they should/ shouldn’t pay for dates (I am not sure why this is even an argument)

1. Ladies say; “whoever asks for the date should pay” which makes sense abi? Well, not exactly. Even with the “shoot-your-shot era” which saw the number of ladies shooting their shots and even proposing increase, the reality is that most ladies will still never ask for a date (because according to them, they are afraid of rejections *rolls eyes*), would rather wait till the guy asks and then use that as an excuse not to pay. Oh and guys, even when she does ask you out, she still expects you to pay. See (3) below.

2. Then there is a the popular line; “I was in my house/ office (insert wherever) when he came to beg me/drag me out so he should pay”. Again, I really dont get it. Were you supposed to be in his house before he asked? Like the initial excuse given above, ladies are most likely not going to be in the guy’s house or even anywhere around him when he asks so guess who pays?

3. “I agree ladies should offer to pay, should leave home with their own money (aka vex money) but a real gentlemen will never allow her to actually pay”. To this, I — lol’ed. Why so many excuses? I agree sometimes a gentleman may decide to cover the bills (I honestly think more gentlemen should refuse to cover these bills tbh) but that is not a excuse for ladies not to cover their bills, even if it is 20–30% of the total.

4. Some men feel emasculated especially if they are insecure when a lady pays. Here, I can feel a lady’s pain particularly as emasculated men dont have a sign-post on their head that says “I am emasculated” so they try to be careful and not step on “fragile egos” before some dude will do a thread on twitter saying “she paid for the date and didnt make him feel like a man” or something similarly foolish. These are the same men who have a sense of entitlement after paying on the date i.e.; I spent XYZ amount and for that reason, we must have sex and insert something ridiculous. These men also worry that if she pays she would lord it over him. Well, well, well, see who finally has a taste of their own medicine? Anyways, while we look for solutions for these men, I implore my sisters to be careful out there. In theory though, paying for your date allows you to spot this emasculation quickly.

5. Ladies go “I cannot respect a man who allows me to pay on a date”. Such silliness! Hanty, keep your respect oh. Its not kuku like your respect will put money in his account or like it can buy Benz. Abeg shift!

6. From a more financially prudent perspective, Google 2018 says average salary in Lagos is $23,745 approx. N8m; I dont need any soothsayer to tell me that this is untrue, loool!). Salary Explorer says salaries in Lagos range between 65,368 NGN per month (minimum salary) to 2,138,541 NGN per month (maximum salary). I think average salary in Lagos is between N50,000 to N150,000 and accounts for 60–80% of salary earners in Lagos (my opinion). Putting together accommodation, feeding, transportation and other personal needs (himself and his parents/siblings), savings and investments, how much is left really to go on dates? Especially one where he would still be required to foot 100% of the bill?

7. A man should pay because he is “the provider”; really? When did our names become “Jehovah Jireh”? We are not married yet so this really doesn’t apply. If you cannot bring yourself to split payments on a date you both enjoyed, what is the probability that you can split income and expenses after marriage?

Why I think more ladies should pay for dates?

1. It removes the sense of entitlement that some men in (4) have and creates some sort of balance should the ladies stop being emotional about issues like this and more realistic.
2. Like the idea of shooting your shot, it gives ladies a bigger pool to choose from in the search of the life partner.
3. It removes the worry most guys face about funding dates and eases the conversation into more important topics….like getting to know each other.
4. It eases out emasculated men especially when ladies paying on dates is now more commonplace.

End.