On health, sex-related challenges and partners

My thread on X about sex-related health and relationships.

My unpopular opinion is that guys have a right to refuse to date or marry ladies with PCOS, endometriosis and so on, the same way women have a right to refuse to date guys or marry with erectile dysfunction, low sperm count, etc.

Again, proper marriage counselling >>>>

Let the LOYL (Love Of Your Life) exercise their choices until they say “I do”. This guilt-tripping & vilification does not help anyone, especially the person with the issue. Yes, it is not your fault & nobody is blaming you, BUT let the person you are dating know what they are getting into. This is why hiding these things has never made sense to me. Why hide it and then realize your supposed LOYL is never going to be patient, understand or work with you over it? Omo. Do you think you can manage it alone? The heartbreak would be much, much worse.

Unless the issue pops up after the wedding (for which you may still need counselling), many things can be addressed before the wedding. Let your partner know that they have a choice to walk away based on those realities, especially if it has to do with having kids. Some people may not know, and this is where medical tests come in, and then the couple is advised. Where medical tests are insufficient, there are “stress testing” Qs that the couple must answer. For example, “Doctor says your boyfriend or husband is impotent.” What do you do? Many people would say things like “God forbid” or “We will cross the bridge when we get there”, all of which are wrong answers. The counsellor is supposed to make them aware of the possible outcomes, reactions, and steps they can take as a family regarding the matter.

If you lie/ guilt-trip/ Vilify/ bully/ manipulate anyone into marrying you knowing the circumstances and possible outcomes fully well, you may not be prepared for that person’s reaction and in some churches, that is grounds for annulment based on a falsehood/ manipulation. If you know you are impotent/ have erectile dysfunction as a man, or you are unable to have children as a woman, and you hide it from your husband or wife before the wedding because you are afraid they would leave you, I want to let you know you have done a very terrible thing.

This is on top of the fact that the person may not have what it takes—spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or financially—to walk that journey with you. Again, if you know, full disclosures and medical tests before the wedding are always better. They allow both of you to make informed decisions.

“I understand that people are expected to be extra considerate of their partners, but we need to learn to give grace to the partners on the other side of the mood swings. They’re people too”- Funke